After a shock, Bee comes clean. There’s comedy as Captain Boaty McPirate Ironface makes his West End debut, but is something steering the company into a tragedy?
Created and hosted by Matt (@merelymj)
In association with Blackshaw Theatre Company (www.blackshawonline.com)
Episode transcript
The story so far
Alex: The story so far.
Matt: You are Blackshaw Theatre - who, fewer people know, are also investigators of inexplicable happenings…
You find yourselves outside a theatre - the Ariadne…
The owner-manager of this venue, whose name is Tess…
Alex (in character): Any sort of general housekeeping rules that you have?
Matt (as Tess): Try not to break anything?
Matt (as Errol): Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew you were coming, yeah. I'm Errol.
Matt (as Bee): Oh, er, hi, I'm - I'm Phoebe, I’m the tech manager here.
Companies come in here and they don't stay. There's been the odd accident...
Like, this is a proper old school theatre, we got a trapdoor.
Alex (in character): Oh wow, really?
Matt (as Bee): Just be careful…
Matt: Just on the very edge of the light, as the light shades into pitch darkness, you catch a glimpse of what might be a humanoid outline…
The conditions for manifestation seems to be when you are lit and there is darkness beyond the light…
That feeling of being observed, and that expectant feeling, is almost becoming like a physical vibration now.
Alex: Okay…
Matt: That “mmm” vibration intensifies and becomes a quite recognisable “booo”...
And you find yourself falling.
Ellie: Oh no.
Matt: As the trap door swings open underneath you…
Alex: Life's a game, the world's a stage, and we're all merely players.
Ariadne, Act Three
Matt: So down here in the understage, all you can really see at this point is the crash mat that you've landed on, and a fresnel on a stand, lighting that crash mat. And the rest of the space is pitch dark. You can see the same phenomenon around the edges of the light, those edges of silhouettes, but that expectant-ness, and that feeling that something is not satisfied with the way you're acting, seems sort of smoothed or ameliorated.
Alex: Oh!
Matt: They seem contented or even…
Alex: Appeased.
Matt: Appeased or or happy.
Alex: My skills of physical comedy have once again brought some varied form of success. Okay, so I land on the crash mat. I'm probably utterly like, disorientated by the event. Obviously I now see the stuff going on around me but I don't feel threatened by it, so I don't put up the shield. I then start relaying this in a panicked way to the rest of the guys, being like:
Alex (in character): Guys, I'm okay, they're down here, I'm being lit by a fresnel, but they don't feel annoyed, they don't feel angry, there's no … there's no bad feeling towards me. I think … I think they might be … entertained?
Strat (in character): Cool.
Matt: Vikki.
Vikki: Yep.
Matt: You make it to the tech box.
Vikki: I find the switches that are marked “house lights” and “workers”.
Matt: They are nice and neatly marked.
Vikki: They flippin’ should be. And I hit both of those switches.
Matt: Okay.
Vikki: Am I rolling for a success on being able to turn lights on?
Matt: No, no. Because…
Vikki: Good, okay. Well I mean, I have got super strength.
Ellie: Smash!
Vikki: Oh God!
Matt: So on the stage, the house lights come up in the auditorium, a working light comes on on the stage. Vikki, in the corridor outside you, the light goes off and you hear from the next-door room, Bee shout:
Matt (as Bee): Sorry! I think I've messed something up!
Strat: Oh, Bee.
Vikki: Goddamn. No wonder she doesn't work at any other theatres, that’s all I’m saying.
Matt: And … okay, so you guys on the stage, you’ve … lots of stuff has just happened at once. Alex has run for the door, he's fallen through a trapdoor, lights have come on, the door is still open. As the lights come on, the phenomenon on the edge of the light evaporates and you are now lit and there is no sign of it.
Alex: What about me?
Matt: Except you downstairs in the understage, it's definitely still there for you.
Ellie: Right.
Matt: And you hear Alex's voice coming up through the trapdoor, explaining what he's experiencing.
Strat: Okay, I'm … I … how … I'm gonna go to the trapdoor. How deep down is it?
Matt: Uh, I'm not great at estimating distances, let's say it's like an eight-foot drop onto a crash mat?
Strat: Okay, so it's a decent way. It's not something he can easily climb out of.
Matt: No.
Strat: Okay, I'm going to make him something that will allow him to escape, to climb up through the trapdoor and back onto the stage.
Matt: Okay, so this is a roll to MacGyver something…
(sound of dice rolling)
Matt: So this is Mind.
Strat: Eight.
Matt: So, a mixed success. So what…
Alex: Could you add focus to it because you're focused on it?
Matt: I think for this one you could.
Strat: Oh yeah. Nine.
Vikki: Because the distractions have gone.
Strat: But that’s still a mixed success.
Matt: Still a mixed success. So you can basically create either like, a ladder or a rope or something to get him up, but I think in the process you'll attract the attention of … like, you can look down through here and there is darkness down there and you can see the silhouettes and the figures down there, and I think you're going to become like, the focus of their attention.
Strat: Okay. I'm suddenly gonna realise: we're in a theatre! We're backstage! They have ladders! Instantly, “I’m gonna make a ladder”, when there's a good ladder over here. So I'm gonna have a look around, see if I can find any ladders backstage, and I’m gonna say:
Strat (in character): Alex, stand there, and you know, if anything happens, sing them a song or something.
Alex (in character): Cheers for that, pal. I’m losing it down here!
Matt: All right, so you're heading…
Alex: Fifty percent!
Matt: You don't see a ladder on the stage or in the wings.
Strat: What a theatre. What sort of theatre is this?
Matt: You surmise that there must be one somewhere. But … and that the most logical place to look will probably be out through the door and through … around where you came in through the stage door, where the dressing room is.
Strat: Yeah, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna have a look at that.
Matt: Okay, so you go, and you don't have to roll because you're in light. You're heading across the stage and heading out; Ellie, what are you up to?
Ellie: I'm now standing on the stage by myself, probably talking to Alex, just to make sure he’s all right.
Matt: All right.
Ellie: I could try talking him down again.
Vikki: Yeah, do it.
Matt: You can give that a go if you want.
Vikki: You can decide not to.
(sound of dice rolling)
Ellie: Seven, plus two, nine.
Matt: Nine, okay. So for a … I think I realised what I should have done last time for a mixed success on a talk down; you can talk him … you can definitely talk him down, if you don't mind losing … like, his trust with you going down one.
Ellie: Yeah, that's fine.
Matt: Okay, so Alex, you get to remove one of your shaded-in segments.
Alex (in character): I’m feeling better!
Matt: You're now on a plus one rather than a plus two, so it's gonna be … if you try and do it again, it's gonna be harder, effectively, is how that works. And how do you … do you want to tell us how you talk him down?
Ellie: I just use my calm voice. And just, you know, check he’s all right, say:
Ellie (in character): Isn't it good that we've worked out some part of the motivation? Now we know what we're dealing with. That makes it all a bit more straightforward. Don't worry, Strat’s just gone to get a ladder, he’ll be down with you in a minute.
Alex (in character): I’m feeling so much better already. I mean, I'm still a little bit concerned, these guys clearly want to be entertained, but I don't … I don't know why they want to be entertained. It's all, it’s all a bit … it’s still a little bit scary, so I'm not, I'm not completely okay.
Ellie (in character): Neither am I.
Matt: Vikki?
Vikki: Bee’s just shouted out that she's done something wrong; light in the corridor’s gone out; I'm going to the patch room to see what the heck she’s done.
Matt: Okay, you find Bee in the patch room with her hair in slightly more disarray than it was before, and there's a little bit of a slight tang of a, like a burning metal scent in the air. And she's sort of shaking her hand like she’s just been stung…
Vikki: She’s electrocuted herself. Yep.
Vikki: (in character): Have you given yourself an electric shock?
Matt (as Bee): I was just plugging stuff in at random to try and get light, like you said, and I think I might have like, short-circuited something. I'm sorry.
Vikki: Like … I'm sorry if something I said made you do that, but aren't you familiar with like, how all of this works? Is this something that happens from time to time?
Matt (as Bee): No, I know what I'm doing, but when I'm like, rushed and just like, putting stuffing in in random places…
Vikki (in character): So … are you okay?
Matt (as Bee): I’m … I'm fine, I think I'm a little bit uurrgh.
Vikki (in character): Okay. Can I like, get you something? Like can I give you something? Do you need like, just to have a sit down or are you okay to carry on doing the stuff that we need to do to get the lights … to get all the lights on?
Matt (as Bee): I mean, did the house lights and stuff work, they’re all on?
Vikki (in character): Yep, they’re on, yep.
Matt (as Bee): I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get like, the actual lights going now, I think something's…
Vikki (in character): Something's blown.
Matt (as Bee): We might need to find a fuse and like, I think it's crossed with some of the building lights as well.
Vikki (in character): Which is why the corridor light’s gone off.
Matt (as Bee): Oh yeah, if that's happened then yeah, that’ll be what it is.
Vikki (in character): Okay. Right, so where do we go to sort out the … like, to get a fuse to replace it or to go … like, have we got a fuse box somewhere? Is it not in here?
Matt (as Bee): It might just be a trip. The fuse box, the breakers are under the stage.
Vikki (in character): Okay. Let me call down to the guys downstairs.
Ellie (in character): Hi, Vikki.
Vikki (in character): Hi, Ellie. So, we think we've blown a fuse patching the lights in, so we need to get under the stage to try and find the fuse box.
Ellie (in character): Right.
Vikki (in character): Or to find the breakers and trip the switch.
Ellie (in character): We've got Alex down there already, so…
Vikki (in character): Is everything … why is Alex down there?
Ellie (in character): The trapdoor has malfunctioned and…
Vikki (in character): Again?
Ellie (in character): Yep, and so Alex has fallen through. He landed on a crash mat, so he's all right, but unfortunately he's perfectly lit by a light down there, so…
Vikki (in character): So there's a light down there that's on?
Ellie (in character): Yeah.
Vikki (in character): A stage light is plugged in somewhere and is on.
Ellie (in character): Presumably.
Vikki (in character): Under the stage. Okay.
Ellie (in character): And the beasties are there, but they seem…
Vikki (in character): Wait what?
Ellie (in character): You know the things, the entities. They're just hanging out watching him. But they seem fairly happy with his pratfalling antics, so…
Vikki (in character): Are we being serious right now? Like that’s the…
Ellie (in character): Well, I don't know, I've lost it 25 percent, so…
Vikki: Okay. Right, okay, okay, okay. I'm gonna try and talk Ellie down.
Matt: Nice! Okay, so roll plus your trust with Ellie.
Vikki: Plus two.
(sound of dice rolling)
Vikki: Eight. Ten.
Matt: Ten is a total success. Tell us how you successfully talk Ellie down.
Vikki: I'm just gonna be like:
Vikki (in character): Hey, hey, calm down, slow down. Tell me exactly what's happening.
Ellie: Which I do.
Vikki: And get her to give me all of the details of what's happened, and say:
Vikki (in character): So we're all okay, Alex is okay.
Ellie (in character): Yeah, you’re right.
Vikki (in character): You're okay. For the moment we're okay, and the next thing we need to do is to try and find the breakers box downstairs to trip the fuse.
Ellie (in character): Okay, cool. Do you think I should go down to help sort it out, or do you think it’s something we can get Alex to do?
Vikki (in character): Do we think this is a dangerous thing to do right now, or…?
Ellie (in character): I don't know. I mean, it's almost as though, potentially, we could get Alex to sing a song or something, distract the entity, while I go down in the dark to try and find the box.
Vikki (in character): That is a solid plan; I say let's try make it happen.
Ellie (in character): Okay. Because I've got Tilly with me, and she can see in the dark, so she could perhaps guide me to the box.
Vikki (in character): Solid.
Matt: Okay, while you guys are making this plan, while Ellie’s talking to Vikki on the phone, Alex, what you up to down on your crash mat?
Alex: Down on my crash mat, I’m aware of what's going on, and what I decide to do is, I decide to go to the fresnel and see if I can move it away from me. So I move out of the light and I start directing it around to see what I can see then on there, if anything. So I'm…
Vikki: Can Alex hear our … Ellie’s half of the conversation with me?
Matt: Yeah, sure.
Alex: So we're looking for a fuse box...
Ellie: So what we could do is like a Crystal Maze thing where you use the light to look around the room, find where it is, remember where it is, and then move it … just point it at something else that's not you or me, and when I get in there with Tilly, who can then guide me around obstacles, you can tell me like, “It's about eight steps to the left” or whatever.
Alex: We technically might not even need that.
Ellie: Why not?
Alex: Because if I'm down there, then why would you need to be down there as well? Because there'll be a certain amount of light spill…
Ellie: Yeah, but you're still losing it.
Alex: Oh yeah, good point.
Ellie: So, you know, your mind is not your strongest asset, so whether you’ll be able to locate your...
Alex: This is okay. So I start sort of like, moving the fresnel around … goddamn it. I start moving the fresnel around and like, seeing what I can see. And I'm passing it over all of the sort of, the inner workings of the stage underneath.
Matt: So you play the … you move the light, on its tripod, around. So getting behind the light, so you're now … you're not directly lit, but you can still see the silhouettes on the edges of where the light falls. And as soon as you leave the light, that dissatisfied hum starts to intensify.
Alex: Christ.
Alex (in character): It feels … it feels like they want to be entertained, guys! I've just moved out to move the light around. I think when I find the fuse box, I'm gonna have to do a dance in front of it, or a song...
Ellie (in character): So we’ll go with plan A then, the distraction.
Alex (in character): Yeah.
Elle (in character): Okay.
Matt: So as you play the light around, it lights up some costume rails with some empty hangers and some sort of abandoned costume pieces on.
Alex: Are there any hats?
Matt: Uh … yeah.
Alex: Good. Fantastic.
Ellie: Is there a ruff?
Alex: I put on a hat quickly.
Matt: You go into the light to put on a hat?
Alex: I quickly sort of like, go into the light, grab a hat and then run back out again.
Matt: There’s almost what feels like an inward breath as you run into the light and put on the hat. And then…
Ellie: They like it.
Matt: And then that sort of...
Vikki: I mean, that’s farce, guys. Entrances and exits.
Matt: That kind of dissatisfied buzz comes back as soon as you leave the light again.
Alex: Okay.
Matt: You keep moving the light around. It plays over some boxes of old props and things as well, on trestle tables.
Alex: Okay.
Matt: And you think you catch it … so you don't see a breaker box, but you do see some cables stapled round the wall that lead round behind the costume rails.
Alex: Okay, so I stop the light on the cables, to sort of … so we can see where they are. I … can I still sort of partially see the boxes of props?
Matt: Yeah. Like, you know where they are now.
Alex: Yeah, okay. So I grab one of the props. I look in the box and I find the nearest prop. What do I find?
Matt: So you're gonna have to rummage through the boxes sort of by feel if you’re not putting the light on them.
Alex: I'm not gonna … I'm not looking for anything specific, I'm literally just trying to grab the first thing I can find.
Matt: Okay, well you … in which case, you grab the first thing you can find. You have something in your hand. You're not totally sure what it is yet. Let's think…
Vikki (chanting under her breath): Rub-ber chick-en.
Ellie: That’s what I was just thinking!
Matt: It feels sort of … it feels plastic, it's quite heavy, it seems to have a handle.
Alex: Okay, what I do is, I go back towards the light and I slowly, very slowly, introduce the prop into the light.
Matt: It appears to be an iron.
Alex: As in like a clothes iron for ironing clothes?
Matt: Yeah.
Alex: I start moving the iron around like a ship on the water. Like a little … like a little sort of puppet thing. What sort of hat am I wearing?
(laughter)
Ellie: It’s the important details.
Alex: Is it … is it like a tricorn hat?
Matt: Yeah, sure.
Vikki: He has got into full theatre mode now. This is amazing.
Alex: So they want to be entertained? I'm gonna give them a show. With my iron, and my tricorn hat. So I step into the light and I say:
Alex (in character): Aarrr, me hearties! Here be the tale of the ship made of iron!
Alex: And I pause to see what happens.
Matt: You sense a sort of … that sense of expectation and suspense again.
Alex: Okay.
Matt: There doesn't seem to be any kind of judgment in it yet. Just a kind of like … it's an … it’s expectant but it's got a kind of negative colour to the expectant-ness.
Alex: Kind of apathy.
Matt: Kind of like a…
Strat: They're not fringe theatre fans, these guys.
Matt: It’s kind of like a, like you…
Strat: They’re not ready for the avant garde.
Matt: You can vaguely like, out of the corner of your eye, it looks like they've got their arms folded, and it's like they're going “Impress me then”.
Alex: “Show us what you've got.”
Matt: “I want to see what you’ve got!”
(laughter)
Alex: Right, okay. So I continue with my little … my story of the tale of the iron ship! and I'm moving the iron up and down saying how:
Alex (in character): We carved a smooth passage through the seas!
Matt (as phantoms): Boooooooo.
Ellie: Oh no.
Matt: You guys up on the stage start hearing a pirate voice coming from under the stage.
Strat (in character): (sighs) Alex is doing Captain Ironface again, isn’t he? He's gonna pitch that until we let him do it.
Vikki: Can we just do it as like, a quick radio play or something?
Matt: Oh, I’m sorry, so only Ellie hears that because you’re the only one on the stage.
Strat: That’s true.
Matt: Strat, you went backstage to try and find a ladder.
Strat: Yes.
Matt: So you're sort of in that corridor with the dressing room.
Strat: Yes.
Matt: So I guess you like, peek in the dressing room.
Strat: Do I find a ladder?
Matt: Do you peek in the dressing room?
Strat: Yeah, I'm looking, I’m kind of glancing around everywhere, trying to find a ladder.
Matt: You peek into the dressing room. The light in there seems to have gone off…
Strat: Right.
Matt: …while the light in the corridor is on.
Strat: Yeah.
Matt: You basically push the door open and it's like there's a crowd in there, in … sort of on the edges of the light spilling into the room. What do you do?
Strat: I go:
Strat (in character): We'll be right back after these messages!
Strat: And I close the door!
Interval
Matt: Hi, this is Matt, and this is the interval. Any drinks that you ordered before the show should be by your name on the bar. I know it's weird to have an interval in the middle of the act instead of at the … instead of between acts, but we're we're all about innovation here at Merely Roleplayers.
I would love to use this time to give you all the latest news from me, from Blackshaw, and from Merely Roleplayers, but I am actually recording this in the past because of schedules and things. I'm recording this little interval bit about two weeks before this episode is going to go up, so I can't tell you what's going on right now. I guess what I can tell you is, right now in the present for me, two weeks ago for you, or longer ago if you're not listening on release day, I'm just in the middle of prepping for the recording session for season two of the podcast, which I feel comfortable revealing is a … it's going to be a sort of a Blyton-esque mystery adventure in the style of things like The Famous Five or Swallows and Amazons, so should be a good fun nostalgia trip. So if you're listening to this on release day, then we just recorded that full season just this … gone … this weekend just gone. So I'll probably be knee-deep in editing of that by the time you listen to this. Aren't recording schedules and release schedules and the concept of time fun?
So I'll keep this short because of all of that. Just the usual stuff about … please follow the show. You can keep up with any news about things like the next season, when that'll be available, all that kind of thing, Blackshaw news, Merely Roleplayers news, me news, in various internet places. You can find the show @MerelyRoleplayers on Twitter … sorry, @MerelyRoleplay on Twitter. I keep forgetting that I didn't have enough characters. Or Merely Roleplayers … there's a page on Facebook. If you're listening to this in a browser or like, in an embedded thing, or in any kind of medium that's not your preferred one, go to merelyroleplayers.podbean.com and in the sidebar there, or at the bottom of the page if you're on a mobile, you'll find a list of Subscribe links to subscribe to the show in things like iTunes, Stitcher, all sorts of … Podcast FM … yeah, all of those things will be in links there.
So I think that's about it. I'll get back to the story in a sec; I'm just going to leave you with another trail from our friends at the Kaiju.FM podcast network. Visit them at Kaiju.FM or follow them on Twitter @KaijuFM. This is a trail for the first of their shows that I became aware of. I've been a subscriber since the beginning. It's a good laugh, teaches you some history and it's a bit silly as well. This is a trail for The Space Jam Continuum.
Promo
Chris: We live in difficult times.
Cal: In this, the era of the cinematic universe, the TV of our childhood has begun to seem disjointed and nonsensical.
Chris: That's why we, The Space Jam Continuum podcast team, have taken it upon ourselves to fashion a coherent cinematic universe from something that was simply never meant to be one.
Cal: The Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies franchise.
Chris: So join us for an epic tale of interdimensional travel…
Cal: Secret government agencies…
Chris: Monkey mayors…
Cal: Unsustainable welfare states…
Chris: Submissive dogs…
Cal: Escaped toons…
Chris: Regenerating pigs…
Cal: Questionable employment law…
Chris: Trouser hams…
Cal: Sentient eggs…
Chris: Malformed, puffy dough-trotters…
Cal: Demarcation…
Chris: And porcine family drama.
Cal: There's a long road ahead, so why not join us for the ride, every Wednesday on Kaiju FM, or wherever you like to listen to podcasts?
Chris: As we try to create one exhaustive, cohesive, Space Jam Continuum.
Ariadne, Act Three (continued)
Matt: Strat. You are in the corridor backstage. You've just found the dressing room dark, unlit, and full of terrors. What do you want to do? You’ve shut the door on them.
Strat: Oh, good. I’m just gonna … it seems like, whatever is going on, wherever there’s light and dark … who's gonna keep a ladder in a dressing room, I say to myself? And I'm gonna keep on … I'm gonna get … I'm not going to spend too much time, because I don't want to leave Alex down there too long if this is all that’s going on. So I'm just gonna keep going a little bit further down, see if … because often, they keep the tall ladders like, near the like, the doors or whatever, because there's not enough height elsewhere. So I'm gonna … that's where I'm gonna go.
Matt: You don't have to follow the corridor too much further to find, on one side of the corridor, an alcove with a big Zarges A-frame ladder leaning up. Also a stepladder, also an extendy ladder. Three types of ladder, all in this alcove. Across from that alcove is a cupboard, which is shut. You don't know what's in there, it's not labelled. And next to that cupboard is a door which, knowing what you know about the geography of this place, you guess would probably lead to the substage.
Strat: Oh, okay. Well, I'm gonna get the extendy ladder.
Matt: Okay.
Strat: And I'm gonna pick up that. And I'm gonna jog back to the stage. I'm not gonna sprint, because I'm not tripping over and impaling myself like … although apparently, maybe some more sight gags will help us in this situation, who knows? But yeah, I'm gonna move with utmost haste back to the stage, so I can drop the extendy ladder down and Alex can climb back up.
Matt: Okay, you start heading back towards the stage. Vikki. You were leaving the tech box, I believe. The corridor outside the tech box is dark; as you open the door to the tech box, you … this is actually your first time, face-to-face, encountering the phenomenon. On the edges of the light spilling out of the tech box door … and the tech box isn't very like, it's not very lit, because obviously you don't want light spilling out onto the dress circle from the window, so it's quite dim, so the light is quite soft, so the silhouettes that you see, that are similar to what the rest of the guys have seen, are quite indistinct. Like they don't seem to be very much of anything. You also hear what sounds like sobs from the patch room. What do you do?
Vikki: So I think I just left Bee in there. But I probably am gonna go back and see if she's okay, because I didn't quite believe her when she was saying that she was fine earlier.
Matt: Okay.
Vikki: So I'm going to pop back into the tech … to the patch room and just say, like:
Vikki (in character): Hey, Bee, is it...
Matt: To leave the … to get going and leave the tech box, in the face of this supernatural phenomenon, I would like you to roll Mind to keep it together, please.
Vikki: So glad I bumped that up by one, guys.
(sound of dice rolling)
Vikki: Seven … eight.
Matt: Okay, so you can keep it together and not start losing it, but I think if you do keep it together, it's at the cost of not wanting to be in this dark corridor any longer than you have to, and you will feel like you don't want to detour to go and help Bee in the patch room.
Vikki: Right, okay.
Matt: So it's, lose it a bit and go and help Bee, or don't lose it at all…
Vikki: …but I’m going down, straight downstairs. I think I'm gonna sacrifice a bit of losing it and go and see what's going on in there.
Matt: All right. You push through into the corridor, like, plucking up courage to actually step, kind of, into this strange visual phenomenon and get into the patch room as quickly as you can. Do you shut the door behind you?
Vikki: Yes.
Matt: Yep, okay, so there's light in here, you find the phenomenon doesn't appear to be in here. You just find Bee in a corner, sat down, elbows on her knees, head on her forearms, shaking with sobs.
Vikki: Okay.
Vikki (in character): What going on? Like, are you okay, or … what's happening?
Matt (as Bee): I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I … I … I should have … I should have said, I didn't want to … I shouldn't have done any of it!
Vikki (in character): What did you do? What’s … can you just tell me what's going on please?
Matt (as Bee): I knew that … I knew that all of you had dealt with this stuff before, so I thought you'd be the … I thought you'd be … it'd be fine! You'd be able to deal with it! So like, I set stuff up so that it would appear, and I figured you'd be able to like, do something about it.
Vikki (in character): Right. Okay.
Matt (as Bee): Like, it needs … they … they … they … they just need to be … they've suffered so much!
Vikki (in character): Okay, so let me … let me just work … sorry, I'm just like…
Matt (as Bee): I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
Vikki (in character): It’s okay, I'm just trying to keep it together here. So you have been doing stuff on purpose to try and make this phenomenon appear so that we would deal with it, but you decided not to give us all the relevant information we needed in order to deal with it in the first place.
Strat: Give her what’s for.
Vikki: I am 25 percent losing it right now! I have got no time for being nice!
Alex: I feel this is appropriate.
Ellie: The 25 percent you've lost is all of your empathy.
Vikki: Yes. It’s gone! It’s gone, guys! I am at minus one for Soul, people.
Matt: She … like, the weeping intensifies.
Vikki (in character): Okay. Okay. Is there anything that you can tell me right now that is gonna help me solve … and help us solve this problem?
Matt (as Bee): They … they … they … they seem to … they … they want to see … tragedy! They like … they want a show, but they want to see someone suffer!
Vikki (in character): Do you know who they are?
Matt (as Bee): Like … I mean, this theatre’s old, like this theatre was here during the Blitz. Like, maybe something … maybe something bad happened? Maybe they’re like…
Vikki (in character): I feel like…
Matt (as Bee): They've been waiting for … I feel like … You’ve felt it, you know what it feels like, they feel like they've been waiting for so long for … something.
Vikki (in character): Okay, so they're waiting for something, and if we can work out what that something is, then you think we're going to be able to make them go away?
Matt (as Bee): I don't know, I don't know, I just hoped … I'd heard about you guys, I figured that you'd be able to do something, like an exorcism, or, or, like, I don't know!
Vikki (in character): Yeah, we don't really deal in the exorcism part of it. It's a very largely misunderstood part of the ab-natural. But that is besides the point right now! I need to … I don't really want to go back out there, and I feel like you probably don't want to go back out there now, so I'm gonna leave you here. They are trying to fix the fuse situation under the stage, which hopefully will bring more lights on, which might partly solve our problem. But in the meantime, I need to call Ellie.
Ellie (in character): Hello?
Vikki (in character): Hey, Ellie. So I've got a little bit more information from Bee, but I'm kind of losing my shit a little bit up here.
Ellie (in character): It’s fine. It’s gonna be fine. What's the information?
Vikki (in character): So Bee says that she was actually kind of constructing the situation with the lights to try and make the phenomenon happen, because she thought we would help solve the problem.
Ellie (in character): Oh, good move, Bee.
Vikki (in character):Yeah, I know, I've already given her what for.
Ellie (in character): She’s a right B.
Vikki (in character): She's … she is not feeling great right now, so I'm just gonna be leaving her in the patch room until we've got all the lights working.
Ellie (in character): Is there anyone else around? Like where's mysterious Errol, and Tess?
Vikki (in character): Yeah, so there's some weird stuff going on in the corridor outside, because the problem with the patching of the lights has meant that the lights have gone off in the corridor…
Ellie (in character): Which is why we need to sort out the fuse box.
Vikki (in character): So we need to sort out the fuse box ASAP, because I really don't want to have to go back out there again.
Ellie (in character): No, we’re just waiting for Strat to bring the ladder.
Vikki (in character): Okay, so you guys have got that under control, sort of. And the other thing that she mentioned, which i think is kind of important, is that she thinks this phenomenon wants tragedy.
Ellie (in character): Okay. Is that based on anything she knows, or…?
Vikki (in character): That's the, like, just the experiences that she or other theatre companies have had in the past. Like, that's her theory and I don't know if it's helpful information, but maybe it’s something worth trying out.
Ellie (in character): Is there any historical background to it? Like, does she know who the entities might be?
Vikki (in character): She doesn't … she doesn't seem to know enough about the history of the theatre. I don't know if there's anything that you know that might help us?
Ellie (in character): I don't know, maybe there is!
Ellie: Can I roll for historical knowledge, please?
Matt: You certainly can.
Ellie: Okay. I’m seeing if there’s anything I've got on here I can get a bonus for. I'm taking the lead?
Matt: Yeah, I think you're still in control here.
Ellie: Great.
Matt: The fact that Vikki’s phoning you for advice.
Vikki: You bet I am!
Matt: So it's a basic plus Mind roll to do the thing, and then you get the plus one for taking the lead.
Ellie: So we’re going plus two, okay.
(sound of dice rolling)
Strat: Nailed it.
Ellie: Yeah! Twelve!
Matt: Twelve! Okay!
Vikki: A resounding success.
Matt: With a resounding success, you recall…
Ellie: Oh, I’m remembering something.
Matt: You … of course, of course you’ve looked this place up.
Ellie: Of course! I said earlier, I tried to find out if it has past productions.
Matt: Yeah, you found out all you could about the place. It is old.
Ellie: Yeah. Sure.
Matt: It was indeed … you don't know that she said this, but as Bee said, it was in London during the Blitz, operating as a theatre.
Ellie: Okay.
Matt: You know that it has been in Tess's family since it was built, effectively. This is partly how she can get away with sort of, not charging tons for it, because she's not paying rent or anything on this place, she owns it. So all she needs is for theatre companies to come in and make a profit. Which, as you know, hasn't been happening lately. You would be aware that the building was definitely damaged in the Blitz.
Ellie: Right.
Matt: But there have been no records that you've seen that would indicate that there was anybody … like, that it was a full house or anything. Like, it was the Blitz: as soon as the air raid siren sounded, people wouldn't have been in a theatre, they'd have been in the London Underground or in a shelter. So there was definite damage back then, but no sort of large bombing or massacre that would suggest a kind of … like that kind of ghostly phenomenon.
Ellie: Okay.
Matt: So that definitely seemed to be what Bee thinks is going on? But that doesn't quite square with what you know about the situation.
Ellie: So I say:
Ellie (in character): Well, I do know that it sustained damage during the war from bombing, but it doesn't seem … the records don't show that there was actually any, you know, major fatalities or anything like that as a result. So I think probably it's not to do with actual ghosts? I think maybe it's something slightly different. But because it's been in Tess’s family since it was built, I suspect she may have an inkling as to what this might be caused by. Potentially it could be to do with something with one of her relatives that owned it before her, or something to do with previous shows and the fact that it's not had much success? Like, the fact that they're booing a lot…
Vikki (in character): There's been … wait, there’s booing?
Ellie (in character): Yeah, they boo now.
Vikki (in character): Okay. Cool. Yeah, sure. All right.
Ellie (in character): So if… I know you're losing it a little bit, but it'd be good if you could go and try and find Tess.
Vikki (in character): Okay, goddamn it, okay. Fine.
Ellie (in character): While we sort of rescue Alex and try and find a few spots.
Vikki (in character): Oh, this would be so much better if I could see what I was dealing with.
Ellie (in character): Wouldn’t it be?
Vikki (in character): Okay, thanks. I'll call you back when I know more.
Ellie: (in character): Okay.
Matt: Ellie, as you hang up the phone, two things happen. The door to the backstage corridor opens and Strat emerges with a ladder.
Ellie: Great.
Matt: And you hear like, a metallic “ping” above you in the flies.
Ellie: O-kay.
Vikki: Urgh, safety cable!
Ellie: Yeah … I would immediately look up to see what's about to fall on my head.
Matt: You see a parcan just literally hanging by a thread of its safety cable, about to fall on you, what would you like to do?
Ellie: I would like to dodge out of the way.
Vikki: Sure thing, man!
Matt: All right, roll Body, please. I will give you a plus one for Tilly, because I feel like she, like, she would sense the danger…
Ellie: (yowls like a cat)
Matt: Her hackles would go up…
Strat: She’s gonna pull you on the lead!
Matt: … she’d give you some form of warning.
Ellie: Yeah, she’ll definitely get out of the way.
Matt: You’re still very much taking the lead, so you get a bonus for that as well. So it’s Body…
Vikki: And then plus two.
Strat: Oh, that’s good.
Matt: And then plus two on top of that.
Ellie: Okay. So I'm…
Alex: It’s a plus one?
Matt: It’s plus one altogether, yeah.
(sound of dice rolling)
Ellie: Oh no! Eight.
Matt: It's a mixed success, okay. So you can dodge out of the way of the … oh, here we go. So you can dodge out of the way of the falling light, but you are gonna fall down the trap door.
Ellie: Oh. Okay. I need to get down there anyway.
Strat: I’ve got the ladder.
Ellie: That's fine.
Vikki: Taking the hit.
Ellie: I’m taking the hit.
Matt: All right. The…
Ellie: Tilly’s not going to like this.
Vikki: Oh no!
Ellie: She’s being dragged behind me!
Everyone: (yowls like a cat)
Alex: Claws clinging desperately, like…
Vikki: I love the idea of us bringing Mel Brooks in just to do the cat noise at this point.
Matt: A light crashes to the stage. Ellie dives out of the way, spills down the trap door, Tilly goes with her. Strat, you see all this. You also, sort of looking up and seeing where the light fell from, you see somebody up there on the gantry, in the flies.
Ellie: Errol!
Matt: Alex, you hear a “phwoomph!” and a (cat yowl) behind you as Ellie and Tilly land on the crash mat.
Ellie (in character): Hello.
Alex: I…
Matt: What were you up to at the time?
Vikki: Please, let’s revisit that!
Alex: Funny you should ask! I was doing my finest rendition of Captain Ironface, or whatever we called him. Now, it's odd that they wanted tragedy, because it would appear that the…
Vikki: I’m not totally sure Alex knows that.
Ellie: No, he doesn’t.
Alex: Well, no, I would have thought that my acting…
Ellie: Oh, you can hear my side of the conversation.
Alex: …my acting ability was mildly tragic, so I don't know why they wouldn’t … they clearly didn’t like my work.
Matt: I mean, I think when we left you, they were at that sort of “Impress me” sort of state.
Ellie: Yeah, they’d started booing.
Strat: They booed.
Alex: They started booing.
MAtt: They’d started booing.
Alex: They’d started booing, so I try to change tack. I don't get very far because Ellie falls through the trap door. I'm like:
Alex (in character): Whoa!
Matt: But tell us in what way you were starting to change tack, first.
Alex: I was going to … because I haven't heard any of the stuff about tragedy, because I've been concentrating on my best pirate speech … they start booing, so my initial response is, now that I know I can seize fragments of power, and I've seen one of them boo and fling something at Strat, I was gonna try and antagonise them.
Vikki: Ooooh.
Alex: And basically, so my response was to get worse. Or to continue doing Boaty McPirate Ironface. And … yeah, so that's where I was.
Strat: I wonder … what does that sound like, Alex?
Alex: Okay, well, it sounds a little something like this.
Alex (in character): Yaarrr! Behold, me hearties! The iron ship! Through the water…
Alex: So basically chewing the scenery and being as terrible as I possibly can be.
Matt: What sort of tale did you have in mind to tell of the ship?
Alex: The fact that it was … that voice really, really does hurt my throat quite a bit! But basically, a long rambling tale that doesn't go anywhere, doesn't really say or do anything, and just is an utter, utter embarrassment to storytelling.
Ellie: It amazes me that you’re not a writer.
Alex: Do you know what I mean?
Matt: Okay, so the booing would definitely be intensifying as Ellie flumps down onto the crash mat. So the crash mat is not currently lit.
Alex: No.
Matt: So there's no actual discernible change in the phenomenon as Ellie falls down.
Alex: But I obviously hear something land on the crash mat. I go:
Alex (in character): Who's there?
Ellie (in character): It's just me! And Tilly!
Alex (in character): Oh! What the…
Alex: So I run out of the light.
Ellie: Do you?
Matt: Okay.
Alex: To see if you're okay. Because I'm gonna check if you're okay.
Ellie: Okay, thanks.
Alex: So I check if you're okay.
Alex (in character): Are you okay?
Ellie (in character): I'm fine.
Alex (in character): You're fine!
Ellie (in character):Yeah, so’s Tilly.
Alex (in character): So how did you get down here?
Ellie (in character): I ... fell.
Alex (in character): Why did you fall? There are lights up there!
Ellie (in character): Because … because a light fell. And so I had to jump out of the way.
Alex (in character): Jesus!
Ellie (in character): I know, it’s been very dramatic.
Alex (in character): This is ridiculous! Okay. I've got to go back … I've got a plan. So I think I’ve found, like, what cable’s leading to the fuse box, so if you want to follow those, go round there. I'm trying to wind these guys up to see if I can absorb some of their power. Great idea, right?
Ellie (in character): I don’t know if … I'm not … the thing you don't know is, what we found out is that the entity wants to see tragedy.
Alex (in character): Oh!
Ellie (in character): So can you do some bits from like, Macbeth or like, Oedipus or something?
Alex (in character): I mean, I don't know any of those speeches, so I could just start weeping.
Ellie (in character): Well then, can you just make your boat story a sad one?
Alex (in character): Oh, yeah. Okay, okay, yeah! But then I don't get any power.
Ellie (in character): I don't think that's the important thing here.
Alex (in character): Right, okay, no, fair enough, fair enough. Okay, so we’ve got to appease them so they don't attack us.
Ellie (in character): Yeah.
Alex (in character): But I do kind of want that power. Hmm.
Ellie (in character): Maybe later.
Vikki: I mean, you could go your own way here, Alex. I’m just saying.
Alex (in character): Well, you go and find the fuses, and I’ll placate them, yeah?
Ellie (in character): Well, you do any which thing you want to do, but I'll go and look for the fuses.
Alex (in character): Cool, you do that.
Ellie (in character): Okay.
Matt: Okay, so you two go your own way. Strat, you're on the stage and you've seen someone up there.
Strat: Right, I'm … cogs are turning.
Matt: It's fairly dark up there. Like, not dark enough to sort of, trigger the phenomenon, but dark enough that you can't really see who it is. It doesn't appear to be a … an ectoplasmic figure or anything, it just appears to be the…
Strat: Can I still see the figure?
Matt: ...somebody up there. Sorry?
Strat: Can I still see the figure?
Matt: The figure that you saw up in the flies?
Strat: Yes.
Matt: Yeah, yeah.
Strat: Okay. Is there … Right. I’ve got a few…
Vikki: I feel like there’s an obvious question to ask at this…
Strat: I’ve got a few things … I’m gonna take a risk.
Vikki: Oh my god.
Strat: And I'm going to hitch one of the electrical tapes from my belt.
Ellie: Are you going to throw it at them?
Strat: Yeah! I’m just gonna … I was gonna lob it at them. Because what I want to happen, I want to try and hit them so they make some sort of noise, to give me some idea of what person that is.
Vikki: Instead of just asking?
Strat: I don't think … I've seen them try and … they’re not…
Vikki: Oh, you think, you think they’re a secret…
Strat: I’ve seen them try and hurt my friend. Like, they're not gonna … plus I’m annoyed, I’m just throwing stuff at them.
Vikki: You’re just going to throw some shit at them. Fair enough.
Strat: This is like, a physical, normal person that I can throw something at.
Vikki: Just do it. Do it.
Strat: I'm taking hold of this real world thing.
Vikki (chanting): Do it, do it.
Strat: So yeah, I'm gonna lob something at it.
Matt: Okay, so you're lobbing like, a bit of electrical tape.
Strat: Yeah, a roll of electrical tape.
Matt: A reel of electrical tape, up into the flies.
Strat: Yes.
Matt: Okay, that's plus Body.
Strat: Can I focus?
Matt: Yeah, I think, you're the only one here and you're focused on this task.
(sound of dice rolling)
Strat: Five six seven … Eight.
Matt: That’s a mixed success, so you can hit the figure … but you're gonna … like, it's gonna like, ricochet off another of the lights on the way there, and potentially loosen it.
Strat: Yeah, that's fine.
Matt: Okay. So the the tape hits like, one of the wing nuts holding one of the lights to the grid. The wing nut spins, it seems like maybe it was loose to start with, and that light is now loose and swinging, and … but it bounces off that and hits the figure, who is sort of like, hunkered down on the gantry up in the flies. And he goes:
Matt (as Errol): Oh! Sorry … Sorry! I'm really sorry! I don't know what's going on, I'm really sorry!
Strat (in character): Errol!
Vikki: Come down, Errol!
Ellie: I told you it was Errol!
Strat (in character): There's been Bovril, and there's been falling lights, and I'm not sure which one I'm more annoyed about!
Matt (as Errol): I’m sorry, I’m sorry … things were … something was…
Strat (in character): Down to the stage now, Errol! Now, Errol!
Matt (as Errol): Something was going weird and I came up here, I feel safe up here, I'm sorry.
Strat (in character): I'd rather you came down here, Errol.
Matt (as Errol): Can you come up here instead?
Strat (in character): Absolutely not. Down you come.
Ellie: Daddy voice!
Vikki: Dad voice happened!
Strat (in character): We’re hiring this space, you're a handyman, come and be a handyman down here.
Matt: Roll … Trust with Errol, which is plus one, because that’s the basic Trust.
(sound of dice rolling)
Vikki: Nine.
Strat: Still focusing?
Matt: Yeah.
Strat: Ten!
Matt: Okay, full success. So Errol says:
Matt (as Errol): Oh … yeah, right, okay, I'm coming, I'm coming.
Matt: And you hear “dink dink dink dink dink” as he walks along … as he moves, like, carefully back along the gantry.
Strat (in character): Good man.
Matt: As he moves, sort of, slightly clumsily in the dark, that light you loosened comes swinging off the bar. And it's gonna crash down like, right near you. What do you do?
Strat: Right near me?
Matt: Yeah, like, it's definitely going to like, shatter and spray you with glass if it lands there.
Vikki: You gotta move, mate.
Strat: Right.
Matt: It's not coming down right on you, because I think that would be ridiculous to do twice in a row, but it's like, it's definitely something you need to avoid.
Strat: Sure. So what I'm gonna … how much time do I have to react? Is this an instant reaction, or I can do something?
Matt: So like, you were…
Vikki: Can you make a shield out of the ladder?
Matt: You’d have been aware that it was loose, because you loosened it, and you saw the wingnut spin. And so I guess you probably would have had like, as he moved across the gantry, you’d have had like an “Oh god, I know what's gonna happen” sort of moment. So like, it's still moments that you have to react.
Strat: Okay, that’s fine. It’s just an aluminium ladder, right?
Matt: Mm-hmm.
Strat: Cool. So I'm just going to let myself fall backwards through the … through the, the, the trapdoor.
Matt: Through the open trapdoor? Okay.
Strat: Yep. And either, depending on how long the ladder is, the ladder is going to go “clunk”, and then I'm just gonna have to let…
Vikki: Dangle?
Strat: Dangle, and let myself fall. Or if I can hold it close, I'm just gonna try and go, sort of like, down, and then land on my back with the aluminium ladder kind of like…
Vikki: Posted through the...
Strat: On top of me.
Vikki: I really hope I can see this in the tech box.
Matt: So it's … probably from your point of view, the ideal outcome is that you and the ladder both go…
Strat: Correct.
Matt: All the way down. Okay, roll Body. And I don't think you can focus.
Strat: No, no, that’s fair enough!
(sound of dice rolling)
Matt: You're reacting.
Strat: Seven.
Vikki: It’s not looking good, mate.
Matt: That’s a mixed success, which I think in this case means that you get like, the halfway house situation.
Strat: The bit where I’m dangling.
Vikki: Where the ladder is still on the stage.
Matt: You have gone through the trapdoor but the ladder has like … the two ends of the ladder are now straddling the trapdoor and you are dangling off one of the rungs.
Strat: Cool.
Matt: You guys notice this happen, but we haven't been with Vikki for a while, so let's see what Vikki's gonna do.
Vikki: So I'm in the patch room with Bee.
Matt: You are.
Vikki: And I've got to go back out, and my plan is to go and find Tess, but that means going out into the dark corridor because no one has reached the effing fuse box yet!
Ellie: We keep falling down the trapdoor!
Vikki: I know!
Matt: I know it seems like the endgame of this is all of you in the substage, but that’s not planned, that’s just how it’s shaken out.
Vikki: So I mean, in my ideal world I would be waiting for them to trip that switch before I would go back out into the corridor. So maybe I'm doing one last call to Ellie to see if it's going to be likely…
Ellie: Oh god, you again?
Vikki: …that that's gonna happen before I have to go out there with the weird creepy stuff.
Matt: Okay, you get … it goes straight to voicemail.
Vikki: Goddamn! I knew that was gonna happen eventually. Under the flippin’ stage, that's the problem. So I've got to go out into the corridor, basically. And I say to Bee:
Vikki (in character): I'm gonna leave you here. Just stay put. As soon as the fuse goes on, then like, finish patching the lights if you can. I'm gonna go and see if Tess has some answers for us.
Matt (as Bee): Okay. There's a … there's a big torch here, if you need it.
Vikki: I'm gonna take the big torch.
Matt: Okay.
Vikki: I'm not totally sure if I'm gonna use it or not.
Matt: It's one of those big, like, rubber padded ones.
Vikki: Yeah. Can I add it to my items?
Matt: You certainly can.
Vikki: Yeeeah. Okay. I mean, I'm just bearing in mind that I can use this as a weapon. Okay, so I take the torch and I steel myself to go out of the patch room and into the corridor that’s dark.
Matt: Okay. You open the patch room door. You don't have to roll this time, because you've faced … this isn't the first time you’ve faced like, this sort of, manifestation of the thing. But it's definitely there, and it's stronger this time, pretty much, than it was from the tech box, because there’s more light in the patch room to spill out, so it's more defined.
Vikki: Okay.
Matt: It's like … it's sort of almost more like 3D, more fleshed out.
Vikki: So the first thing I do is, I do turn the torch on to see if that helps matters, or if it makes things worse. Because I'm kind of still testing the theory.
Matt: Right. At this point … I mean, if you're still sort of in the doorway, it doesn't make a huge amount of difference, because it's just sort of adding its light to the portion of the corridor that’s already lit, and it doesn't sort of … it doesn't intensify the light enough to really change anything.
Vikki: So I keep the torch on and I shut the patch room door.
Matt: Okay. You can see … so you've now got like, a cone of light spreading out in front of you, and it's like … so it's a pretty powerful torch, it’s like a halogen bulb. You … it kind of … it lights a good portion of the corridor in front of you a sort of misty gray … so it's not just like a pool of light, it's like, the spill is enough to illuminate sort of beyond where the actual beam is falling. But basically, right at the very end of the corridor, where the stairs are, it looks like there is a sort of gathering of silhouettes up there. Like they’re sort of congealing out of the shadows.
Vikki: I try … I might try turning the torch off, just to see if it makes me feel any better to be in the total darkness.
Matt: Okay. So the … as you step out with the torch on, that vibration is just starting to build. When you turn the torch off, it doesn't immediately snap off, that sound, that feeling, but it does subside and seem like it evaporates.
Vikki: Okay. So I'm just gonna keep holding the torch, but I'm in the dark, and I'm going to go as quickly and safely as humanly possible down to the end of the corridor.
Matt: Okay. How are you … how are you sort of ensuring safety in this case?
Vikki: I've probably got my hand out on a wall.
Matt: Okay.
Vikki: And I'm gonna feel like, the tech box door, and then … I'm not sure if I … I think I probably get to the end of the corridor where it's like, the staff only door, before I hit anything else.
Matt: Yeah, that would be correct.
Vikki: Little map I drew? Totally helping.
Matt: Yep. So you reach that door without any issue. And that's the door leading to the staircase which then takes you down to the ground floor.
Vikki: So I get out into the stairwell.
Matt: Mm-hmm. That stairwell then leads … so it's open at the … it's not a door, it's an open doorway at the bottom, and there is light spilling into the staircase from the downstairs corridor with the office and the kitchen in it. No sense of anything at this point.
Vikki: So I go down the stairs and I go to the corridor where I know the office is, because that's where I think Tess is.
Matt: Yep. So as you emerge into the corridor, you feel … you get the sense that the staircase behind you is like, crowded with presences.
Vikki: Okay, so I get into the corridor as quickly as possible and then shut the door behind me.
Matt: There's no door in that doorway.
Vikki: Oh, I'm just going down the corridor to the office? Is the corridor lit?
Matt: The corridor is, yeah, it’s the light that’s currently on…
Vikki: It’s the stairway behind me, is what’s dark. Okay. So I get to the office and I knock on the door.
Matt: There's no response.
Vikki: I try the door handle.
Matt: The door is … hmm, what's most interesting here? The door is stiff but doesn't appear to be locked.
Vikki: I'm gonna use an ability. I probably would knock again just to like, make sure I have been heard before I barge in.
Strat: We may be in danger, but politeness costs nothing.
Vikki: I just like, what…
Ellie: In this case it might!
Vikki: …what if something weird is happening in there and I just burst in? Ugh!
Strat: What are you…?!
Vikki: Like, you don’t know!
Strat: That’s true.
Ellie: There’s just her and Errol in there.
Vikki: Oh my god, the Bovril!
Strat: What theatre managers behind closed doors…
Vikki: With the Bovril, though.
Strat: The Bovril, though.
Vikki: We still haven’t got to the bottom of that mystery.
Strat: That’s series two of this, I think.
Vikki: It’s just me and Strat investigating Bovril! Okay, I'm going to use my ability, super strength, to attempt to open the door.
Matt: So your adrenaline builds, and you attempt to put your strength behind the door handle.
Vikki: And I think I'm … I can see what I’m dealing with.
Matt: You can. You’re dealing with a door.
Vikki: Stop laughing! And I’ve got plus one for Body as well.
Strat: I just think this is proper overkill for opening a door.
Vikki: Yep! Doing it anyway!
(sound of dice rolling)
Strat: And double six!
Matt: Holy shit!
Strat: This door just pops out of existence! Just by your mere presence, you glare at it and…
Vikki: It’s a fourteen! I’m going to obliterate this door!
Matt: In your heightened state…
Vikki: Oh my god!
Alex: Wow. I mean, you hulked out there.
Ellie: You Jessica Jones’d that door so hard.
Matt: In your heightened state, like … so, I think what happens is, you're readying yourself to force the door, and you glance, and you see the staircase that you just came from … so the only light in that staircase is what's spilling in from the corridor, and you can see the slightly outlined, chiaroscuro silhouettes up there, and you see them like, boiling towards the corridor.
Vikki: Oh, I think I know what I'm gonna do.
Matt: Becoming … like, they are bringing darkness with them, and eating into the light in the corridor. And seeing that, you just put all your adrenaline behind this shove against the door, and you throw it straight off both its hinges.
Vikki: Yep. It’s going to make an excellent shield in a minute though, guys.
Matt: The door swings back, hits the wall behind it, jumps off its hinges, slams against the floor and falls over and slams again, like when the carbonite falls over in Empire Strikes Back.
Vikki: That's very much what I was thinking, yep.
Strat: Nice.
Matt: So you can now see Tess's office, which you got a glimpse of before. There are windows in here, and it is still daytime.
Vikki: Yep. Thank goodness.
Matt: The shades are up, there is light coming in. But it's still … like, it's an old building, and the windows here face over that alley you came down to, to get into the stage door. So it's not the best lit. Tess is at the desk.
Ellie: Why didn’t she answer the bloody door?!
Matt: Really laser-focused on the ring binder in front of her.
Vikki: I knocked twice, guys!
Ellie: I know you did.
Strat: You did nothing wrong. Other than destroy her office.
Vikki: We’re going to be paying for that, I’m so sorry.
Ellie: You’re paying for that.
Strat: I'll fix it later, it’s fine.
Vikki: Yeah, yeah, Strat can fix it.
Matt: Though there are no deep shadows in this room, with the drawn blinds and the daylight coming in, where there are shadows, just gathered in patches behind the bookshelves and sort of, under the, like, the spider plant on the windowsill and under the desk, all these sorts of areas, there is like … so where the phenomenon you've seen in the darkness has been like human figures, there is just this sort of … it's a much more like, primordial, sort of…
Vikki: Amorphous.
Matt: Sort of amorphous sort of presence.
Strat: I knew she was a baddie.
Matt: Just pooling in … like, and deepening all the shadows in this room. And as Tess looks up at your…
Vikki: Entrance!
Matt: Yeah, your vehement entrance.
Vikki: Sure.
Matt: So the light is … so she's got her back to the windows, there's a light on her from above, so as she looks up, there's a moment where her face is in shadow, as she's facing the desk. And that shadowed face gives you the same expectant, slightly odd, slightly hostile feeling that you got from all of the other things. But she looks up…
Vikki: Why did you make me come here?!
Matt: She looks up, and she says:
Matt (as Tess): I told you not to break anything!