Content warning for this season: blood (no bloody violence, but frequent discussion of blood)
Meet Gideon Gilchrist, billionaire arts exclusivist - and Blackshaw Theatre Company, (con) artists extraordinaire. The company surveil their mark and lay the groundwork of their master plan.
With Ellie Pitkin, Chris Buxey, David Turnbull, and Josh Yard
Created and hosted by Matt (@MerelyMJ)
In association with Blackshaw Theatre Company (www.blackshawonline.com)
facebook.com/MerelyRoleplayers
Promo: The Broadswords (thebroadswords.com)
Episode transcript
Intro
Matt: The house is now open for season four of Merely Roleplayers, where theatrical people play role-playing games. My name's Matt, I'll be setting the scene, and in a minute we'll meet the company of players who'll be bringing the drama. If you're jumping on here at the start of the new season, welcome and thanks for joining us.
Here's the situation; the players and I are all members or associates of Blackshaw Theatre Company, which you can find at Blackshawonline.com. And we play alternate universe versions of ourselves who are part of an alternate universe version of Blackshaw. We play games based on “Simple World” by Avery Alder, which is a kind of white-label roleplaying game system adapted from Vincent and Meguey Baker's “Apocalypse World”. So theatrical people playing roleplaying games.
Each season of Merely Roleplayers is a self-contained story in a new genre. Last season was a Western and this one's going to be a heist. You get a new episode of the story every other Tuesday with backstage stuff like character setup on the Tuesdays in between. So this first episode is us researching our mark and deciding how we're going to take him down, and next week we'll jump into the action and see how well the plan holds together.
This episode wasn't the first thing we recorded for this season so you will hear the players referencing skills and gadgets and characters from their alternate universe pasts without explanation. The significance of the mysterious Lulu B’Goo will be revealed in just a couple of episodes’ time.
Finally, this season of Merely Roleplayers comes with a content warning for blood: there's no bloody violence, but blood is mentioned a lot and one episode does include a description of a blood transfusion, including a mention of needles. I'll flag that episode specifically when it arrives but if that means you can't join us for this one, we understand and I hope you'll jump back in for next season.
Now please make sure all your belongings are secure, Merely Roleplayers season 4 will begin with the company introducing themselves, after this from one of our friends in the RPGCasts community.
Promo
Rashemen: a land where spirits roam and witches rule. Three women are embroiled in a divine plot and it is up to them to uncover why. Join the adventures of the Broadswords at www.thebroadswords.com.
The Plan (Let’s Get Gideon Backstage)
Dave: Okay, I am David - you have heard me, potentially, in one of the earlier seasons - season two?
Matt: Season Two - “Five Stage a Rescue”.
Dave: My connection to Blackshaw is that I hate theatre… and everything to do with it. And my favorite heist… I haven't really seen very many… but I do quite like The Sixth Sense.
Matt: It's got a big reveal.
Josh: Good film.
Dave: Bruce Willis... all the way through. So that's my answer for that one.
Ellie: Sure.
Matt: Interesting.
Josh: You’ve really thought long and hard about that one haven’t you?
Ellie: Okay, good. I'm Ellie.
Matt: Welcome back.
Ellie: Thank you.
Matt: Everybody knows Ellie by now!
Ellie: Yeah... so sorry. I founded Blackshaw - that's how I'm involved in Blackshaw. And favourite heisty-heist? Well I think my love for heist began with the BBC TV series: Hustle.
Matt: As did so many of us.
Ellie: So good!
Matt: That show was so good in its first few seasons.
Ellie: Yes although I did watch all of them. But yes, they're so good... so good.
Matt: Okay so you and Dave both enjoy a long-con confidence game kind of thing.
Ellie: Yeah.
Matt: Like a proper grift.
Ellie: Yeah. And then seeing the beautiful clip-show of “how it happened” at the end - that's the best.
Matt: Yeah and the feeling of the mark being hoisted by their own petard.
Dave: Yeah that boy got what was coming to him in The Sixth Sense!
Matt: Taken in by his own gullibility!
Ellie: They say on Hustle that you can only grift a dishonest mark...
Matt: That's true.
Ellie: ...because you rely on them being greedy in order to succeed. So you can't con an honest man.
Matt: Blackshaw is gonna be a Robin Hood outfit, is that what you’re thinking?
Ellie: That’s what I'm wearing right now.
Chris: Hello I'm Chris - this is my first time on Merely Roleplayers.
Matt: Welcome.
Chris: Thank you.
Ellie: We’ll be gentle.
Chris: So my connection to Blackshaw is that they are currently putting on my play: “The Final Adventure of Frankie Fightwell”. That is currently in the future... by the time you’re listening to this, that was in the past. So I hope you enjoyed it.
Ellie: It went really well. Great reviews!
Josh: Oh my God... In. Tears.
Matt: So I can see already that you like the twisty chronology of a heist story.
Chris: Indeed yes. I think my favorite heist film has to be Inception. I just enjoyed the whole concept and I particularly enjoyed the fact that it was achieved by people asleep in comfy chairs.
Matt: Like the comfiest long-distance aeroplane cabin I've ever seen.
Chris: Yes! So if we could pull off something similar today that would be great.
Matt: I'm gonna reveal right now that we are gonna play in a world where that kind of dream/Inception technology does not exist, I’m afraid. But we can certainly do some twisty stuff.
Chris: Well maybe I'll use my two Brains to invent it!
Matt: And finally...
Josh: Hello my name is Josh - this is my first time with Merely Roleplayers.
Matt: Welcome.
Josh: Thank you Matthew for having me. My connection with Blackshaw is... a little while ago now... I worked in a technical capacity: lighting things up, sometimes making things louder... but mainly lighting things up. Being a lighting designer as I was. My favorite heist film... I was struggling to think on the way here, what my favorite one was... and I couldn't think of a single one. I realised I don't like heist films - I like escape films…
Matt: Okay.
Ellie: Which is sort of like a heist.
Josh: Right? Because you’re trying to… the heist is yourself.
Ellie: You’re conning the walls.
Dave: So The Rock is your favourite heist film?
Josh: No. I’m thinking about Toy Story 3 when they escape from the playgroup and I thought about getting around the monkey security guard and firing the grappling hook and doing the climbing and stuff... and them almost escaping - sorry spoilers!
Matt: Definitely a caper - even if it’s not a heist.
Josh: Something that's not quite such a long con - something that's more of a reactive, “we're in trouble. Let's get out of here and how do we achieve that?”
Matt: Cool - so right now we're gonna plan the heist.
Ellie: What’s your favourite heist film, Matt?
Matt: Oh I’m an old-school fan of Ocean's Eleven.
Ellie: Yeah.
Matt: I love that.... it blew my mind the first time I saw that movie in the cinema, and the reveal went - spoilers - they're the SWAT team! You think everything's gone wrong when the SWAT team’s taken the money and has all been impounded by the police... but then they were the SWAT team all along! That's all I want out of this game.
Ellie: Okay, noted.
Dave: Write down - “I am the SWAT Team”.
Ellie: That’s fine. That's good. There’s a new one coming out soon.
Josh: Is there?
Ellie: Yeah - “Ocean’s Ladies”. It’s not called “Ocean’s Ladies”...
Josh: “Ocean De La Femme”.
Dave: “Charlie’s Oceans”.
Ellie: Starring Lulu B’Goo...
Josh: Lucy Liu as Lulu B’Goo.
Matt: This is the first episode... You might hear the name Lulu B’Goo again... So maybe given what everybody likes out of their heist media... and con media... and caper media... we might end up with something that could have these long con elements but also - against getting through all the security systems?
Ellie: The issue I’ve got, though, is that my real enjoyment comes from thinking it's gone a bit wrong and then seeing the big reveal at the end... but if I'm making it up then who’s revealing? I'm not gonna see the big reveal because I am the big reveal.
Matt: I hope... so I'm running this game a little bit differently to how I've run previous Merely Roleplayers. I've planned out a lot less and I want us to surprise ourselves.
Ellie: Okay.
Matt: So there will be opportunities to - if you have a stroke of inspiration where you say: “wouldn't it be amazing if it turned out we were the SWAT team” or “this twist” - then you maybe you can pull off that twist?
Josh: That will be the ace up our sleeves, so to speak - “We were the SWAT team”. Even if there is no SWAT team in the UK…?
Matt: So who'd like to hear about your mark?
All: Yes!
Matt: So I'm going to give you some information for free - which is basically the information you would know about your mark from a cursory Google search, and stuff you learn on the criminal grapevine - which is: your mark’s name is Gideon Gilchrist. Gideon is super rich, naturally, inherited-billionaire. The thing with Gideon is he wants to be seen as a sophisticate and as a patron of the arts, and in that vein he manages a charity called the “Gilchrist Grant”, which gives pretty generous donations to creators of art, arts organisations, theatre companies, transmedia organisations... any kinds of art that he likes. The thing is that it came out in the Panama Papers that he's also a big-time tax invader/avoider - whichever one is the one where you used the loopholes.
Ellie: So it's legal?
Matt: Yeah - the law can't touch him.
Ellie: Think it’s “avoider”?
Matt: Yeah.
Ellie: I think “evading” is illegal.
Matt: Okay so he's a big tax avoider - so he doesn't pay tax into the Treasury on his many billions.
Ellie: Boo!
Matt: And you've done some calculations based on the Panama Papers leaks and discovered that, actually, if he paid his tax (even after all of that money was divided up through the various organisations funded through the Treasury) he would still be funding the arts more if he paid his tax than he does through his, supposedly, very generous grants.
Josh: So it’s all a front?
Matt: It’s, well, it's less a front and it's more like: he wants the acclaim of being seen to fund artistic endeavours but he doesn't want it done the accepted way. And he's actually been heard off the record to say: he likes it this way because it means that the only organisations funded by his money are ones he personally approves of. He doesn't like the idea of some organisation, like the Arts Council, deciding who's worthy of his money. He wants to be the one to control that.
Josh: Total egomaniac.
Matt: He's got a thing in his head about who deserves that support. He has, through the grant, commissioned artists and companies to do private performances and showings for him in his obscenely-opulent suite in The Shard which is named “Proscenium Fields”. Who’s aware of Pharma-bro Martin Shkreli?
Ellie: Sorry? Did you just have a stroke?
Josh: A hushed silence falls across the table.
Matt: Martin Shkreli is a real person who owns patents in the pharma world - this is “pharmacological” and not “farmers”.
Ellie: I really thought farmers!
Josh: I really thought “combine harvester”!
Ellie: … “And I’ll give you the key”
Matt: Martin Shkreli’s recently been put in jail for various fraud-type things but the relevant comparison between this real person and Gideon Gilchrist is Martin Shkreli paid a ridiculous amount of money to buy the next Wu Tang Clan album…
Dave: I remember this, yeah.
Matt: ...and the terms of the agreement are: he pays the Wu Tang Clan an incredible amount of money and he's the only one who's ever allowed to listen to that album.
Ellie: What?
Josh: That’s mad!
Matt: They have to release it only to him. And that's the kind of thing that Gideon does. He invites people in to do like these performances or installations in his suite, but the agreement is they can never show that to anyone else. He owns that art forever.
Ellie: It’s a bit weird. It's a bit: “our little secret, creepy”.
Matt: Yeah. It's about... he wants to have that experience. “If he's paid for it he should be the only one that gets to” is his idea.
Ellie: Makes him feel powerful?
Josh: Difficult to talk to other people about it isn’t it? “Did you see that performance…?” “Oh no of course you didn’t.”
Ellie: “The reviews are out!”
Dave: “I liked it.”
Ellie: “I stood outside and wasn’t allowed in”.
Matt: So he employs personal security as well - he has a security firm that he contracts for his, for the personal security of his suite and of his person when he goes out. And that's all you know to start with. So I want to get a reaction - what I'm hoping is that I've made you hate him enough.
Ellie: Sounds horrid.
Josh: What a scumbag.
Chris: Boo!
Matt: Good good. So you're gonna grift this?
Josh: Absolutely.
Matt: Exactly how you choose to grift him: whether you go after his offshore holdings, whether you nick something of his, whether you try and go in as artists and play some sort of long con is absolutely up to you. How you want to take him down is your choice.
Dave: Go after his Wu Tang album?
Chris: Initial thoughts: it’s important that we record an album.
Dave: Replace his Wu Tang album with an album of me?
Josh: I know that we wouldn’t gain much out of it but it would really wind him up if we also saw the performances going on in the Shard? “We saw everything!”
Ellie: It’s all glass isn’t it? We could climb up the side, surely? And watch from outside.
Josh: Sucker all the way up the side?
Ellie: I mean not all of us have Muscle score?
Dave: I do like the idea of stealing the concept of the art from him. It’s not like we're stealing a piece of art that he owns... it's almost like stealing a painting but it's an ethereal.
Josh: What about if we stole the script or something? The treatment of the works?
Dave: And released it to the world.
Ellie: The thing is that that'd be a pretty short hit because it's just... he obviously has these private performances all the time so if we just did it once, for one show, how much damage is that really going to do?
Josh: That's true. We could sell it to an amateur dramatics group - see if they wanted to put it on. Risk being sued. Yeah maybe that's the wrong way of approaching it. I was thinking money-wise: if he's already a legitimate con man, in regards to having Panamanian bank accounts, then we can't touch him in that regard. We can’t blackmail him.
Ellie: We can steal the money and give it to charitable causes.
Josh: Nice. Like the Blackshaw Arts Foundation?
Ellie: I just set that up right now.
Chris: What if we somehow make him think that we've got the most exclusive piece of artwork or theatre or... there's something that's worth easily ten or a hundred times more than he’s paid for his previous most expensive thing…?
Dave: So robbing him by him paying us?
Josh: We're forcing him to rob us, maybe? There's got to be something that he is really quite attached to. If we find out more information that he loves for example, the Wu Tang Clan…
Dave: Now that’s in our heads?
Josh: Now that’s all I can think about…
Ellie: I mean I'd really like to drain his bank accounts.
Chris: Maybe the thing to do is to put on a show to distract him while we drain his bank account?
Ellie: Yeah yeah yeah.
Josh: With an original soundtrack by the Wu Tang Clan.
Matt: So all you know from your research about him so far is that he has these offshore holdings that he is using to avoid tax. We haven't defined yet exactly how his money is sunk to avoid paying tax. So it could be that it's in a Cayman Islands numbered bank account? Or it could be that it's in art as an investment?
Ellie: We need to find out where the money is.
Josh: I bet he's got an underground vault full of paintings…
Dave: Scrooge McDuck?
Matt: The way this is going to work, maybe this is the time to start rolling some dice to get some more information, is, as I say, I haven't defined a lot more than what I've just told you... so if you decide that you want to find out some information, that's not just a case of you asking me a question, of me telling you, we get to like collaboratively decide what the answer to that question is...
Ellie: Okay.
Matt: ...in a way that will create an interesting heist story.
Ellie: I think he keeps all his money in cash under a mattress...
Josh: ...behind an unlocked door in a rundown tenement block a mile down the road from Blackshaw.
Matt: So if everybody's on board with the idea that, as Ellie said, that you kind of want to go after his savings? And that maybe this will involve some sort of performance as well? How about you all roll Brains for me and we'll start to see if we can flesh this out! So roll two six-sided dice and add your Brains score.
Josh: Oh dear.
(sound of dice rolling)
Matt: Ellie what have you got?
Ellie: Nine.
Matt: And what’s your Brains?
Ellie: One.
Matt: You get a ten! You get three points to spend. What did you get Dave?
Dave: I got six altogether because I got a minus one.
Matt: You still get a point but so do I…
Dave: Oh boy.
Matt: Josh, what did you get?
Josh: Same roll - seven minus one for my lack of Brains. Six.
Matt: You get a point, I get a point. And Chris?
Chris: Rolled a seven plus two…
Matt: ...is nine so you get two points.
Chris: Nice!
Ellie: Winning!
Matt: It's up to you folks whether you want to pool your points or whether you want to each spend your own.
Chris: Well I suppose we need to think about what we really need to know, so obviously where the money is and in what form that takes is important... but I think another important thing to find out is what his taste in art actually is. So if we're offering something as bait or a distraction it's not something he hates!
Ellie: “Monet? How dare you!”
Josh: So obviously investigating him and his interests in the arts? As well as... I guess we could spend some time casing the joint? Whether or not that is his private performance place or whether that’s “Gilchrist Manor”.
Ellie: I think we should definitely... rather than intel for that... put something in place and have one of us on his security team.
Matt: So we can spend these points either to find out some more information about the mark and the situation, or you can spend them to set something up that will already be part of the setup when we go into the game.
Josh: That would be good because I was going to say I'd like to investigate the personal security firm that he uses.
Dave: Putting something in place - we could put somebody into the show that he's having as well?
Josh: That's good.
Ellie: Yeah or we could put it in place that we already lined up to do a show for him?
Dave: We could be his next venture?
Matt: That is possible - these points are powerful.
Chris: So what is our points total?
Ellie: I have three.
Josh: One.
Dave: One.
Chris: Two.
Ellie: I am Queen of Points.
Josh: Ellie can have all of my points!
Ellie: So six points...no four… seven points. Seven points!
Dave: Queen of Points!
Josh: Queen of Brains!
Chris: So in that case should we try and come up with seven things that we want?
Ellie: How does it work - is it like one point per thing or are some things more expensive to buy than others?
Matt: No, each point is to establish a piece of information or put a thing in.
Chris: Can we spend three points to know the three digits on the back of his credit card?
Matt: Yes!
Chris: Ah, job done then!
Josh: Can we get his fingerprints, his mother's maiden name…
Ellie: Let's do the one we definitely need to know - “what form does his money take, where is it?”
Matt: Has anybody got any kind of interesting things that they want this to be? I've got some stuff I can…
Dave: I like the vault of…
Josh: ...Scrooge McDuck?
Matt: So I really like that idea because it allows me to rabbit on about something that really gets my goat... which is the concept of the “freeport”.
Ellie: What?
Matt: So a freeport is a warehouse, usually near an airport, somewhere with a blurry customs situation... where rich people store the art that they've bought as an investment, in crates, where nobody can ever see it.
Ellie: Is that like real life?
Matt: That’s real life.
Dave: Is that where the Ark of the Covenant is?
Matt: Yeah.
Ellie: It’s by Gatwick!
Matt: I think the warehouse in Lost Ark is a freeport, yeah. People buy expensive art in order to tie that money up and they put it in a freeport because the customs situation, and the situation of what the jurisdiction is of what country you're in… is so blurry that they never have to pay taxes.
Ellie: They don’t have to declare it?
Matt: I think there’s a situation where they end up paying some tax when they sell it on because it comes out of the freeport... but it's much less than they would have if they had hung it in a gallery or something. And it means that all of these masterpieces that they buy at auction are never seen by the public.
Ellie: What utter arseholes.
Dave: It sounds like something Gideon would do.
Josh: I think, speaking of Gideon, obviously we need to learn a bit more about him but I would guess that he's, obviously, a total egomaniac... so it wouldn't surprise me if he's got a vault, probably with statues of himself hidden in there... he doesn't seem to be just like a digital man I think that it's not just gonna be sending his money... he's got possessions.... and so I think if we could find where those possessions are, get some more information about him…
Matt: So I think if we're going to establish that he's got a freeport, that's a point. Somebody's spent a point to establish that the bulk of his tax-free savings are tied up in physical art objects stored in a freeport.
Ellie: So I guess we then need to know where it is and what the security is around it.
Chris: Starting to think my gadget should maybe be a pallet truck…
Ellie: And mine could be…
Josh: It’s the high viz! You’re now a supervisor!
Ellie: *Makes forklift truck reversing noises*
Josh: No actual forklift, just you walking backwards going: “boop”.
Matt: So I think there's probably a mixture of art that he's bought at auction and also some of the art that he's commissioned.
Dave: Statues of him?
Matt: So I guess that it's absolutely feasible that there would be marble statues of himself.
Josh: Seeing him as Burt Reynolds naked on a bearskin rug. Painting of himself.
Ellie: Beautiful.
Dave: Yeah I feel like if we were planning this we would know where that was.
Ellie: Well we’d need to know.
Dave: That would potentially be one of our points gone. On where.
Ellie: On location.
Josh: On location, security…
Matt: I think I'll give you a location for free as part of establishing where the money is. So it's in a freeport in... which airport do you want it to be at?
Ellie: Luton…
Josh: Bournemouth.
Matt: Is there an airport we're all familiar with?
Dave: I’ve been to Gatwick.
Ellie: I don’t know airports very well. Well I mean it would be convenient for the heist if it was relatively close to the Shard, presumably. So London City.
Dave: I’ve been there. It was really bad when I was there.
Josh: We’d also be very close to the hub of the Metropolitan Police in case he decided to call them.
Dave: SWAT division!
Josh: So City is lots of very rich people taking private flights.
Matt: It is. It's mostly business flights to Luxembourg and I mean it's absolutely feasible that there would be a freeport there. There's lots of industrial units in that area... so yes he has a freeport near London City and it’s where all his art is.
Josh: So that's one point gone?
Matt: Yes.
Dave: I just wrote “Cardiff City” so…
Ellie: “Take the boy out of Cardiff…”
Chris: If we use a point... not trying to game the system here... but if we use a point to insert somebody into the security of the freeport…
Matt: The point of this part of the game is to game the system!
Chris: Okay in that case... if we insert somebody into the security, will that not tell us a lot of what we need to know about the security company - their capability, shift patterns etc...
Matt: Finding out about the company would be a point and inserting somebody into the company and cover would also be a point.
Chris: Okay okay.
Ellie: He’s not letting you game the system!
Chris: No!
Dave: We need to get somebody in.
Josh: I think that is well spent to learn about the operation, to learn the other people's names... we wouldn't have to lie.
Ellie: Okay so someone on the inside?
Dave: One point for the information, two point for getting someone in. So we’re up to four...
Matt: Okay so you're spending one to find out about the security?
Dave: Yeah.
Josh: One point to learn about their operation, how long they have been going, how many people are assigned to Mr Gilchrist.
Matt: Right. Okay so I won't go into great detail about that now, but it is established that you know that stuff when we get into the game.
Ellie: Okay.
Matt: If you need to know about shift patterns, if you need to know when is a good time to slip through, you don't need to roll for that.
Ellie: Do we need to know if we need any specific information from the mark in order to gain access... is that a retina scan and stuff like that?
Matt: I think that would be another point. I will tell you as part of the learning about the security - he has a Head of Security who is his personal employee, who oversees his security team at both his suite and at the freeport. That person's name is Vic Van Hoyt.
Josh: Nice. I bet he doesn't pay much tax either.
Matt: They're actually a “they”. Non-binary, they/them pronouns for Vic Van Hoyt. So that is a person that is usually close to Gideon himself and is a top-level crony.
Ellie: So I feel like, from what Matt said, we do need to spend points on knowing whether we need any biological information, or like PIN number or something... but yeah, fingerprints, to gain access to the vault... because then that’s something that we could potentially need to spend points on procuring in advance. Or at least we would need to, bare minimum, work into our plan. How are we gonna get that?
Josh: However, Miss Pitkin, you are a master hacker from what I understand?
Ellie: I am!
Josh: So we might be able to bypass said controls…
Dave: I could just Fonz my way in!
Josh: David could just smack all of the scanners. So maybe we need to learn more about the system…
Ellie: In order to hack it.
Matt: Were you spending a point to put someone on the security team?
Ellie: Yeah.
Matt: Who are you putting on the security team?
Ellie: Josh. You’re maximum Wiles.
Josh: I am a wily fox.
Dave: “Maximum Wiles”.
Josh: That’s my character name! “Max Wiles”.
Matt: Okay so you have the necessary access.
Josh: Well that's awesome.
Matt: You have the access that a security person would be expected to have. So you can patrol the freeport, have stop-and-search power on people coming in and out... anything you control... let's say there's airport-style security. So you can be the person on that.
Josh: Nice. Do I get a uniform?
Matt: Yes you have a uniform as part of your cover.
Ellie: Don't go too crazy with the strip searches please.
Matt: Are you gonna be embedded on the team under your real name or are you going to have a security guard alias?
Josh: My security guard alias is gonna be “Max Wiles”.
Ellie: Who’s going to employ someone on security that’s called “Max Wiles”? He sounds legit! And that you would go off-the-chain crazy.
Josh: “Maximillian Wiles”!
Ellie: You couldn’t have gone for “Barry”?
Josh: “Barry Barisson”?
Ellie: You’re saying that Josh has those powers that we just talked about, but does he actually have access to the inside himself?
Matt: So he has access to the facility but if you want to know how to find and access and potentially remove specific assets from the facility, that would be a new thing.
Ellie: Yeah.
Chris: So should we learn about his personal taste in art or is that a bit redundant?
Dave: No no - he's going for his art. I mean we’re not replacing anything.
Chris: Hang on - weren’t we gonna have to spend a point to already be on the schedule? Was that something we have to do? So do we feel we have to do that because… how often does he go to the freeport? Do we really need to distract him or does he never go there?
Ellie: I don’t know!
Chris: At least we know if we're putting on a show that he's definitely not at the freeport. There's no way he could, if we've got eyes on him.
Ellie: By doing the show, then we know you can't also be at the freeport. And presumably if Vic is also his personal security, then Vic who's head of security will be with him at the show rather than being at the…
Josh: Because if there's anyone who’s going to question the legitimacy of the operation it's probably gonna be Vic Van Hoyt.
Chris: So we can spend one just to be on the bill but it doesn't matter if we're doing something he likes! “I’m bored of this show, I’m going to my freeport! You’ve made me sad, I’m going to look at some art!”
Ellie: That sounds like something he would do!
Josh: “This is not theatre!”
Ellie: Presumably whatever proposal we put forward, if we’re on the programme, is to his taste.
Chris: So one to be on the programme then?
Josh: Yeah - to book a slot at the Gilchrist Festival.
Matt: I think as part of that I will tell you a little bit about his taste for free so that we can just establish what you were performing...
Ellie: Yeah that might be useful for having conversations with him.
Matt: He basically doesn't have…
Ellie: Ah right.
Matt: ...he’s completely unsophisticated in his taste. He likes things that are sort of superficially cutting-edge and different and not boring and “the next big thing” . Like something newsworthy-ish…
Josh: He’s a trend-seeker?
Matt: “A la mode”. Yeah. He's very trend-seeking. And exclusivity is the other thing that he likes. He likes the plebs not to be able to see it. He thinks art is good if only rich people can see it, basically.
Josh: Here's a quick question - if only he can see it, where does Vic van Hoyt go during the show?
Matt: It's not necessarily “only him”, it's a private thing for him - it can never be shown or performed anywhere else. He can still invite his rich cronies.
Dave: So it’s a status thing as well?
Ellie: “No-one else is going to see this.”
Matt: “You won’t see this anywhere else!”
Josh: “Until it hits the West End this summer.”
Matt: So bearing that in mind, you're on the bill. What do you think you've put together for him?
Ellie: Something cutting edge.
Matt: Something else involving Josh.
Josh: Because I’m embedded?
Ellie: So you can’t do your classic naked monologue.
Matt: This is basically establishing who's gonna be at the suite and who's gonna be at the freeport?
Ellie: It is! So probably going to want to limit numbers?
Matt: Yeah are we gonna do this all at once or is it…?
Ellie: Well does it have to be one of us that's there or can we farm it out to another company?
Matt: You could potentially farm it out. It would mean that … I'd like there to be some scenes at that performance.
Josh: Because you could always be there to begin with to make sure it’s operationally sound and then jump on the Jubilee Line or wherever to get to the airport.
Ellie: Well how about it’s me, but I’m… we’ve roped in someone to perform but I’m there under the guise of being the tech person. So that way I can be in the tech gear but actually be on comms with you guys doing the heist. And I’ve actually got the old hacky-hacky with me as well so I can hack remotely.
Josh: That’s brilliant. I mean, your sound cues might be a little delayed. It might not be the smoothest show.
Ellie: I’ll put it on “auto”, it’s fine.
Josh: I love that. Because then you can be behind a Mac and, as anybody that's seen a soundboard in anything theatrical, it's all alien.
Ellie: It just looks like I’m calling cues rather than…
Dave: And the show is… a six hour soundscape entitled “Gideon”!
Matt: It could be an installation... that's easier if you don't want to have to create a character to do a performance.
Ellie: No I think there should be a couple of multimedia characters. I love the idea of us roping in some Blackshaw regulars that just don't know that it's a heist or anything!
Josh: They’re all excited!
Ellie: It’s Alex and Strat doing a clowning show because they’ve done that very successfully before.
Josh: Why have I got in my head the performance that Kim Jogn Il does in Team America - it’s just pictures of him, people dancing around him… We do that with Gideon?
Ellie: Why not? Oh - it could be like - it's cutting-edge, right? But it's conceptual medieval performance where they are playing the parts of the court jester and we have essentially set it up so that Gideon is the king and everyone is in his court.
Matt: So it's immersive?
Ellie: He would love that right?
Josh: And Game of Thrones is very trendy…
Ellie: Yeah so it’s very Game of Thrones.
Matt: He’s definitely paid off Punchdrunk at least.
Ellie: I mean, who hasn’t? It could be an immersive thing and maybe there’s a food element to it as well - like they've got a feast. Because that really keeps everyone there because we want to make sure that they don't have a reason to leave.
Chris: And if we need to get any biometric information from him on the fly…
Ellie: ...it can be part of the immersive performance.
Chris: Yes!
Ellie: Oh yeah. Getting him to put his hand on something would be really easy.
Dave: Eat this apple!
Josh: We could take a used wine goblet away from him? God, this is so exciting!
Ellie: I want to do this show now!
Josh: You’re right - the show should be immersive and there should be free-flowing wine and, if we're going for the medieval theme, then we get some busty wenches serving drinks so it keeps the pervy rich people happy.
Ellie: It would be quite conceptual - so it could be they're in medieval dress except from the bottom down it's all spandex. So it’s really weird. You know in “Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure”, where they go to the scenes in the future…!? It’s a bit like that but a bit more medieval scattered around.
Josh: Man - I want to plan this show. I don’t want to plan this heist at all. It sounds like we got what we want which is funding for the arts.
Matt: So that's four points down.
Josh: I'd like to know a lot more about him and about his personal circle. Is he married? Does he have children? Does he have close friends? Who are his business associates? So that if we need to disguise ourselves as one of them and kidnap one of them could we do that?
Matt: I can tell you about two of his close inner-circles and we can potentially establish more details as part of this as well if we're all happy to spend a point this way?
All: Yeah yeah yeah.
Matt: So other than Vic Van Hoyt, other people in whose company Gideon is regularly seen: a lady named Trish Talbot who is Gideon's accountant and manages his holdings and makes sure that he doesn't pay any tax... so presumably has a heavy hand in the running of the freeport and very interested in what's going on there... and just makes sure that when he's paying people through the Gilchrist Grant that there's no taxing incurred at that point either and it's always above board. So she's often around. She's self-employed but he's one of her biggest clients. Also - Maxine McQuaid is his nutritionist. Gideon's into some diet stuff…
Ellie: Of course he is.
Matt: He's got one of those rich people complexes where it's like “I need to enjoy my billions for as long as I can”.
Ellie: Does he do weird stuff like injecting his own wee and stuff?
Dave: The blood of younger men?
Matt: Maximum healthy is what he’s after?
Ellie: Bathes in the blood of puppies.
Josh: So he's a little bit Tom Cruise/Scientology sort of feeling?
Matt: I mean I don't want us to get sued.
Ellie: Tom Cruise seems nice but mad. This guy seems horrible…
Josh: ...horrible and mad.
Matt: So those are his main close people. I haven't thought about anything like spouses/children. Does anybody want to establish something there?
Ellie: We could always write in a kid so if we need to kidnap them we can.
Josh: Absolutely. Or why don’t we find out if he’s got a dog or a cat that we can take as well? I kind of get the feeling that he's egomaniacal enough to think that he is the centre of the universe.
Ellie: I don't think that he would... I think he probably just buys all of his friends’…
Josh: ...children?
Ellie: I don’t think that he would have the capacity to to maintain any real personal relationship.
Dave: But I think he could have some truly exotic pets that he shouldn't have. White tigers...
Josh: Pablo Escobar style?
Matt: Like a personal menagerie in his suite?
Josh: There’s a hippo in a swimming pool that he’s bought in.
Dave: One of the last two white rhinos.
Ellie: One of those swimming pools where you can see through and you can see them swimming above you?
Matt: Oh yeah!
Josh: Just a hippo?
Ellie: Swimming around the edges of the Shard?
Josh: Fantasia-style.
Matt: I’m going to spend a point here and add a “but”. So you found out some stuff. The “but” is that also in his inner circle is Lulu B’Gou.
All: (shocked noises)
Matt: He’s super close to performance artist, Lulu B’Gou.
Josh: She’s a show girl, you can just say “show girl”!
Matt: So it’s very possible that you’re going to run into her again.
Josh: Oh my Achilles Heel!
Ellie: It’s alright - you should be focused on the freeport. Hopefully you won't have to encounter Lulu.
Josh: She’s not working in the warehouse…?
Dave: She’s one of the artists!
Matt: I'll say as well that Gideon's appointments with Maxine the nutritionist are very closed doors. Even Vic Van Hoyt’s not allowed in. Whatever treatments he's having are super on the down-low.
Ellie: Secret treatments?
Dave: So it's probably not just like gluten-free…? It’s potentially something more sinister.
Matt: She does design his menus as well.
Chris: Could he be harvesting the blood of Lulu B’Gou?
Ellie: I was just wondering if there was some blood-letting happening.
Josh: If he touches Lulu B’Gou then I’m blowing this whole heist…
Matt: If you want to spend a point to establish that he's into parabiosis…
Dave: Which is the thing where you transfuse the blood from young people…
Ellie: I don’t want that to be canon!
Matt: ...you can spend a point to make it happen if you want.
Josh: Harvesting them? They’re lined on the walls with tubes in them? How old is Gilbert or do we not know?
Dave: Gilbert!
Josh: “Gideon”, sorry.
Ellie: I bet he was named Gilbert and he changed it!
Matt: “Gilbert Gilchrist”! No - Gilbert Gilchrist is his father.
Josh: Who he’s kept alive for observation…
Matt: So I think Gideon is the sort of age at which it is sickening that he's this rich. So maybe like thirty three.
Josh: That is sickening.
Matt: And also totally illogical that he's doing all this weird diet stuff to stay young, because that isn't very old.
Josh: He’s thirty three but he looks twelve? Creepy childish face… Tiny hands…
Matt: He got very smooth skin but he's very pasty.
Dave: Sounds like a vampire to me.
Ellie: The only thing that I’m thinking about with the whole blood-thing is that it might be… it's a completely different con really... but to be able to sell him this super-duper special blood treatment that's really gonna make him look super-young…?
Matt: It's also a thing that if it was exposed then it might embarrass him.
Ellie: So he'd be unlikely to go to the police whereas…
Chris: “We’ve got your blood!”
Josh: If an anonymous source were to call one of the tabloids with that information it could destroy him.
Matt: Provided there was some sort of proof… which you need to heist out of him.
Dave: I quite like the blood-thing as canon. I think we should do it.
Ellie: I don’t know how it goes in with stealing the art?
Dave: We steal all his art, smother it in the blood from the bloodbank, there’s your proof!
Matt: The plan does not need to be watertight at this point. We can throw anything at it we think will be cool and interesting.
Ellie: Okay, at least we have two avenues to go down.
Josh: Blood and art.
Ellie: Or if we're really lucky we could convince him to not only just pay a huge sum of money for this blood thing, but to actually exchange all of the stuff he's got at his freeport for it... if we really convince him it’s good enough.
Josh: And move his accounts to the UK?
Ellie: To pay his tax properly.
Matt: So if we're establishing the blood thing, is that six or five?
Dave: That’s six. I've written “blood drinker”.
Matt: I think it's a bit more medical than that.
Ellie: “Bloodbath”.
Matt: I thought I’d made this guy hateable enough…
Ellie: No, we need more.
Josh: How many points have we got?
Matt: You’ve got one left. As a freebie alongside the parabiosis... he gets the blood from the staff in his restaurant which he has in his suite. He has a fully staffed restaurant in the suite and he doesn't pay his employees enough.
Ellie: But he does take their blood?
Matt: But he does take their blood.
Josh: What a horrible job!
Ellie: Who’s taking that job?
Josh: “No money and my blood gets stolen?”
Matt: In this economy, mate. Zero hours. You can earn a little bit more if you don't mind giving the boss some blood.
Dave: So does he exclusively employ younger people for that?
Ellie: Presumably he must do it under the guise of something - he doesn't want people to know about his blood treatments. It's like... oh there's blood donor…
Matt: NDAs all the way. Non-disclosure.
Dave: They don't need to know what he's doing with it afterwards.
Matt: Because it's him, it's the nutritionist and the donor... so because the donors are always from the kitchens there is plausible deniability that they are closed doors meetings for menu planning...
Ellie: So the only other suggestion I have for that final point is potentially setting up some kind of appointment with him. As “amazing future new age blood company people”... I’ll come up with a snappier title…
Chris: No no, I think that’s good!
Ellie: A meeting with him potentially and Maxine I guess?
Matt: You can certainly do that! So you would spend the point to have the meeting in the diary - that would mean that we'd still end up rolling for the cover identity. So you've got a choice if you want to go this way: you can either spend the point to have the appointment in or you can spend the point to have a watertight background as a blood company.
Dave: “Bloodshaw”.
Matt: So whichever one you pick you'll have established... and the other one you will have to... so if you don't set up the appointment now then you might have to do some rolls to get into his schedule, past the receptionist or something like that…
Ellie: What do we think is more valuable to us at this point?
Chris: Probably the identity as we can say it's watertight?
Dave: I think we've come up with problems of him like: “how do you know that I do this?”
Josh: That's a good point.
Dave: If we just turn up like: “Hello! We want to give you some blood of the young children!”
Ellie: Well no - we can say that we're approaching all incredibly-exclusive, high-ranking... the best of the best... with this...
Dave: ...and pander to him…
Ellie: ...and some people might think it's extreme but actually it's the latest cutting-edge treatment. And of course we actually do know that he's totally going to be in for it because it’s the sort of thing he already does.
Josh: That legitimises it as well: if we're a pharmaceutical company as opposed to a blood delivery service…
Ellie: Vampires to your door.
Josh: “Don’t ask, don't tell... but nudge nudge nod wink wink, it’s definitely got teenage blood in it.”
Ellie: (Sings the theme tune) “Blood arrival, arriving in blood”.
Chris: Knock knock knock… Blood Man!
Josh: Whoever does that can't be part of the theatre operation and can't be part of the security operation.
Ellie: Well I’m very good at disguising myself.
Matt: Not everything has to happen simultaneously. We can say that this these things happen over a period of some days.
Ellie: And disguising yourself can be a thing. I could disguise myself as a man for the tech stuff I'm doing.
Dave: Just a moustache?
Ellie: No - those glasses/moustache/nose combos.
Dave: Perfect. So our last point will go on being a legitimate blood company?
Ellie: Can we come up with a name?
Matt: I'm spending my second point to add a “but” to your legitimate blood company… which is that your legitimate blood company identity is so good that you’re....
Ellie: ...inundated with requests?
Matt: ...your blood company... the police are starting to sniff around... Maybe not the police, maybe pharmaceutical regulators.
Josh: I can’t go back to prison, man…
Matt: So does anybody want to suggest a name for a nosey regulatory person that is on your tails?
Josh: From “The Institution of Blood Regulators”.
Ellie: Alan Knowmore! Because he wants to know more.
Matt: I like “Alan”. “Alan Knowmore”.
Josh: And he's the chief operations executive at this pharmaceutical company?
Matt: No - he's a regulator. He is part of the government regulatory body for pharmaceutical companies.
Ellie: Ofcom for pharmaceuticals?
Matt: “...this company selling weird blood stuff to rich people seems a bit fishy!”
Ellie: “It’s totally above board Alan, calm down!”
Matt: Alright - so that's all your points spent, all my points spent. Correct?
All: Yeah.
Matt: Any other bits and pieces you want to firm up before we go into the game?
Dave: What's our plan…?
Matt: All you need to know at this point is what the first couple of scenes need to be... like objectives... the first couple of things that you need to do or find out or get.
Ellie: I think we need Josh to find out some more information about how to access the freeport vault. And I think some combination of our team needs to make the first blood-company approach.
Matt: Great. Okay that basically gives us our first couple of scenes. Fantastic - I think we're ready to play, how about you?
All: Yes!
Josh: I am nervous. Let's do this.
Ellie: Okay yes!
Matt: Alright. Check in next week for the first proper story episode where we'll find out how all this starts to go wrong!
Outro
Matt: You’ve been listening to Merely Roleplayers. You can look us up wherever you find podcasts, on Twitter @MerelyRoleplay and at Facebook.com/MerelyRoleplayers. Reviews and kind words are all very much appreciated and we hope you’ll join us again for our next episode.